Keep it Simple Stupid...

So, over the last few weeks or so, I have had a great amount of time to sit back and ponder on the important things in life. I spent much of that time evaluating myself and what I am doing with my life. But, this time around I found that I was looking more to the future. The thing that kept coming back into my mind what how complicated my life was getting and the worry of how these complications were leaking into my future and influencing how I will live my life. Now, I am not saying that I have a complicated or even difficult life, but considering where I am in my journey, and how I am living, I feel that I am bogging myself down with things that should not be in my life. Debt, bills, cars, clothes, entertainment, food, and just money in general are the things that are controlling my life. Every move that I make seems to be motivated by one of these things. It seems that every paycheck goes to things that I don't really need, but more to things that I just want at the moment. Accessories, upgrades, and improvements on the things that I own. Fancy toys, and new electronics are topping my wish lists as I swipe my credit card. My life is being controlled by things. And now, not only is it stress that I am dealing with, but it is debt. Money is controlling my life, and more importantly controlling my emotions. It has been so silly of me to not realize that all this stress and control was self inflicted. I was the main cause for all craziness that has been happening in my life.

A theme of simplicity has been running through my mind, and it has begun to infect my priorities. Just recently I read an article about a couple that decided to simplify their lives. They got rid of their cars, moved to a smaller home, downsized their wardrobes, and own 4 plates, cups, and bowls, along with 2 pots and pans. They even got rid of their television. But, above all of this they got out of over $30,000 worth of debt! Now, they are spending money on traveling together, and helping fund their nieces and nephews education, not to mention that they now have tens of thousands in savings! This story and situation is a little extreme for me, but it has also sparked some inspiration in me to find a better way to simplify my life. Now, I don't plan on getting rid of everything I own and go live in a tree, but I feel that I can simplify my life so that I can live within my means, and find joy in living debt free, and having the freedom that I need to enjoy life's pleasures like traveling.

Being cautious about simplifying and knowing why you are changing they way you live is very important. I am trying to focus on changing not so I can have a ton of money in the bank. That would not eliminate the fact that money is controlling my life. I look at this as a benefit rather than the motivation and purpose. One huge motivator in my life are those friends that influence me positively. My dear and close friend Jason Lucas is just one of those friends. He is constantly trying to improve his life and is letting others know about his discoveries to becoming a simpler, stronger and more directed person. He is not only changing his life and improving, more importantly he is influencing those around him through his example! This is exactly what he has done to me. Jason is an inspiration to me to become the better person, and to seek the finer things in life. I am looking to simplify, relieve stress, and more importantly to me, be able to serve and help others. I can do this when I start turning my focus away from the negative and controlling stressful things of my life to the things that matter most. Service, family, friends, peace of mind, and happiness.

There is a principle to be learned from all of this... living by rules, guidelines or even commandments do not constrict or control a persons life, but rather they allow for guidance, freedom, and relief from those things that can bog us down. These guidelines construct a path by which we can follow and base our lives around. Drifting from guidelines and rules causes stress through uncertainty and unnecessary trials and stress. This is what I have been doing lately. Buying without thought, living life without a schedule, goals, or purpose has allowed me to walk blindly and to hope for the best instead of working to simplify, serve, and follow goals and guidelines.

I anticipate this time in my life to be a changing point from wanting everything in the world, to having everything that I need. I want to be debt free, and live simply so that I can save and live a life away from debt and stress. I want to allow myself to be free to serve and connect with others around me. I want to become an asset to my friends and family, and not a topic of worry or burden. I know all of this will come from the choices that I make, and the determination to follow the goals and guidelines that I have set for myself. If I am going to have stress in my life, I want it to come from outside sources that I have no control over. How silly to bring stress and trials on yourself when you have complete control.

This is a time of experimentation. It is a time for me to redesign how I am living. It is a chance for me to incorporate beautiful fundamentals in my everyday living so I can not only simplify my life, but come closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ by focusing on them, simplifying my life, and becoming the man that they have created me, and wanted me to become! I choose to simplify. I choose the door that will allow me to serve! I choose the door because I want to!

Brooke

It was early last week that I got word that one of my dearest friends was ill and would not make it through the next day. Brooke had suffered from Cystic Fibrosis for her whole life. She lived well beyond what was expected. She lived through many treatments, and even a liver transplant. She was a real fighter. But, it seemed that her illness was taking it's last toll, which would be her life.

I met Brooke about three years ago at a Halloween dance. I was dressed as a cop, but it quickly turned into me being a "hot cop". I was new to the singles ward, and did not know many people. I was introduced to a girl in my ward named Brooke, who just happened to be a real "hot cop". What a coincidence, and it was then that we became very close to each other. But, if you want to go even farther back you find that we had probably met before. We were born on the same day, in the same hospital in Utah, more than 22 years earlier. Now we were dancing together at a Halloween party. What a small world we live in.

For the next 3 years we hung out, and were very close. I spent almost every evening at her place after work playing games, watching movies, laying on her water bed talking about life and making animal noises. She was not able to leave her home very much because she was on oxygen. Her little lungs were failing her, and she was waiting for a double lung transplant. It would be a transplant that would never happen. I had no problem spending all my spare time at her place, I knew that she had no options, and that I loved her to much to leave here alone.

She would call me in the middle of the night because she thought she heard someone creeping outside her window, or because she saw a mouse run across her bedroom floor. She always seemed to look to me to be her little protector, although I don't think I did too much. We were close friends, and we shared a bond that is something that I will never forget.

She entered the hospital just a couple of weeks ago. She wasn't feeling well. It was there that she went into a coma, and then her lungs began to shut down. She was put on a respirator and life support. She would never wake up. She became unresponsive, and her family knew that her time was short. It was at 8:30am on July 13th, that Brooke Alisha Porter left this fail existence to join her Heavenly Parents above, never to live another day in her broken weak body.

I hurt so much inside to know that I would not be able to be there by her side. I was torn because I was not able to say goodbye. I was just too far away. With or without me, she was ready to go, she was ready to move on to bigger and better things.

I will miss Brooke. She was so beautiful and talented. She loved life, and never complained. She had a knowledge of the greater things in life. She allowed me to cry, and to laugh. She helped me to love and to forgive. She taught me to see the beauty in all the world around me. She was an anchor and a light that has burned into me that I will never forget. She will be missed, but she will never be forgotten. I look forward to the day when I will be able to see her again, and to greet her on the other side of the veil. She was a sweet spirit and angel. She chose the better part. She is now with her Heavenly Father, and she is blessing the lives of those on the other side just like she blessed so many live on this side. I love you Brooke! I will miss you! Till we meet again!

Change is good...

So, after three years of going to BYU-Idaho, I have decided to stay here on my off track. I have always gone home to work from July to January, but I have found that it's time for change. I have mulled over this for a little while, but I always knew that someday I would stay here in Rexburg. I know that this sounds silly, but this is kind of a scary thing for me. I'm not one to make big decisions lightly, and if I could keep thing predictable, life would be much better for me. But, this decision on the other hand has been pretty easy for me. There was a little anxiety, but with the help of my amazing friends Jason and James, and the wise council of my incredible mother, I made the choice to stay.
Staying here means not working at Applebee's in Spokane again, and not going to the Havana Ward. This is probably that hardest part of my decision to stay in Rexburg. Being here means that I will need to get a job and make money. It also means that I will also take some classes and get some credits towards my major. I look forward mostly to the fact that I will continue to live with my best friend James, and be here to sing with From the Heart. When I get a little down about not going back to Spokane, I look to the people and activities that I am going to do that are going to make life so much better.
So, I'm taking the door that leads to change. Its not the easiest door to go through, but it is the one that I know will lead to the best experiences. Let's hope I chose wisely.

From the Heart...

This post has been a long time in the making. My second semester here at BYU Idaho, one of my good friends in my ward told me about his choir that I should audition for. I had no idea what I was in for. So, at the last moment possible, I ran to the building on campus where the auditions were being held, and winged it. I auditioned. I didn't make it. I was upset about not making it, and felt that it was their loss. Needless to say, I was too prideful to see why I didn't make it. The next semester, I was personally asked by the choir president to audition. I turned him down with some useless excuse. More out of being burned from the semester before. Almost a year and a half passed by and I returned back to Rexburg to go back to school. I was asked once again to audition for the group. After so much time had passed and a little repentance, I found myself rushing once again to the building on campus where the auditions were being held. I made it.
The group is called From The Heart. It is a choir comprised of 24 singers, that for each semester creates an hour long musical program meant to be performed for firesides. The group is not affiliated with the school, and is completely run by students. Music selections are chosen especially for their power to testify of Christ.
I have never been in group that has brought more strength to my testimony than this choir. This experience and the people that I have had a chance to sing with have not just become a part of my testimony, but it now comprises a part of the foundation of my testimony. It has not only been a blessing to sing to hundreds of people over the course of this semester, but it has been a power that has lifted me from deep sorrows. It has given me purpose here, and helped me to see more clearly the love that my Savior Jesus Christ has for me. I cannot express my love for the amazing people that I have been able to stand with and sing. They are such a light in my life! I feel like there is this little flame that burns inside of me. It lights my path in this life, but sometimes it feels insufficient through trials and hardships. Since joining this group, I feel like I have added my little flame with the flames of those in the group, and now I have this huge fire within me burning from the amazing power that comes from the testimonies that radiate from those who have chosen to sing in this choir.
Although it took almost 2 years to get myself prepared, I find that this will probably be one of the greatest highlights of my college experience. I am eternally thankful that the Lord has put this blessing in my path, and that I chose this to become a part of my existence and experience.

My new baby...

It was a long and difficult labor. The decision to bring one into my life wasn't easy either. It was a long process dealing with decision after decision, trying to figure out when and were it would happen. I was scared, and so nervous how it would turn out. It was going to be my first one, and I had never really had to take care of one 24/7. Mind you I had many chances to be around them and get to know them, but I was taking my first big step to becoming a serious and mature and responsible human being.

And when I least expected it, it happened. It was time! There she was, sitting in the corner of the store with a big bright green tag on her calling out to me like a moth to the flame!I knew that she was the piano of my dreams! Her bright white keys practically grinning at me sealed the deal. Now, just to clarify, she is not an ACTUAL piano, but a digital piano. The sound of fully digital, but the keys are weighted and is 88 long. She is compact and beautiful, sleek and shiny. the perfect size and feel, I just had to have her.

So I am a proud new owner of a piano. I look at this as something that I will have for that rest of my life. I am excited to see this as a tool that I can use to magnify this little piano talent of mine.

Mind Games...

So, I will not make this post about a girl I am crazy about. I think I have made enough of those, and I dont think you want to hear me rant about a girl that I am mad about. Just a side note before I get into the real topic of this post, I am thinking about her constantly, and I can't seem to get over her. Enough said.

I am losing weight. It is an interesting thing for me, because I have never been to that point on my life when I had weight to loose. I have always been the extremely skinny kid, and could eat as much as I wanted and couldn't gain a pound. Things have changed, and now my body has decided that it needs to hold onto pounds that I don't need.

So, before I get too far behind, I have decided to jump on the health wagon and get my physical health under control. I don't think I am fat, but I do feel that I have room to improve, and so why not now?

I have lost about 20 pounds in the last 6 months, and the weight is still coming off. But I am not satisfied with the weight loss, I need to build muscle. I dont want to be freakishly huge, but I would like to fill in a little.

This is something that I feel is very good for me. I am a very distracted person, and I get my mind hooked on "unhealthy" things. I day dream, and I get my emotions all crazy. Watching what I eat and how I exercise is distracting enough, and I am finding myself not only distracted but focused. I am finding out that I am not going to get everything I want in life, but I do know that I can control some things about my life, and my health is one of them.

So, I'll take the healthy door.

Awkward...

So, I am proud to admit that I am peculiar person. I know that I am much different from more 24 year olds of the world, and even in the church I might add. I have kind of always tried to hide my religion from the public eye, but it has always been in vain due to how weird I really am. Strangeness pours from ears and weirdness radiates from my presence.
Tonight was one of those nights when my peculiarity was questioned. It was not the first time that people have asked why I am so different. And when I tell them that I'm a Mormon, the barrage of questions are fired in my direction almost all at once. Tonight at work I was almost interrogated about my sexual life. First off, AWKWARD!!!! (probably more so for the reader having to read about Chachi's Sex life) Questions about sex with girlfriends or other very graphic questions that don't need to be repeated were asked. Now, I believe most of us in the Mormon faith have been asked a time or two about our sexual practices from those not of our faith, but I doubt many have been asked in the manner that I did. Not only were the questions so blunt and frank, but they were also posed in front of all of my co-workers in the kitchen. It was literally a moment of Stand-still while everyone waited to hear what my answers would be. The pressure was so insane that I almost just started to laugh out loud in one of those fits of insanity because it was so awkward and uncomfortable.
Needless to say, I answered all of the questions with a yes or no response, and left no time for thought. I feel it is so necessary to answer quickly and without hesitation as to leave behind any sign of doubt. Many were dumbfounded,some just kind of winced and went back to work. I on the other hand turned bright red, and went back to work somewhere in the back room as to hide my embarrassed face. Although I may have appeared to be ashamed of my answer (mainly due to the fact that it was some public forum on Chachi) I did not feel ashamed inside. I felt a little higher afterwords because of the fact that I practice what I preach and live what I believe. There is something to be said about standing up for ones beliefs, and I have to say that the personal satisfaction that I felt tonight was immense and gratifying to know that I stood up for faith and beliefs. Not just in front of a curious friend, but my entire body of co-workers.
Awkward?
Yes.
Worth it?
Absolutely!