Awkward...

So, I am proud to admit that I am peculiar person. I know that I am much different from more 24 year olds of the world, and even in the church I might add. I have kind of always tried to hide my religion from the public eye, but it has always been in vain due to how weird I really am. Strangeness pours from ears and weirdness radiates from my presence.
Tonight was one of those nights when my peculiarity was questioned. It was not the first time that people have asked why I am so different. And when I tell them that I'm a Mormon, the barrage of questions are fired in my direction almost all at once. Tonight at work I was almost interrogated about my sexual life. First off, AWKWARD!!!! (probably more so for the reader having to read about Chachi's Sex life) Questions about sex with girlfriends or other very graphic questions that don't need to be repeated were asked. Now, I believe most of us in the Mormon faith have been asked a time or two about our sexual practices from those not of our faith, but I doubt many have been asked in the manner that I did. Not only were the questions so blunt and frank, but they were also posed in front of all of my co-workers in the kitchen. It was literally a moment of Stand-still while everyone waited to hear what my answers would be. The pressure was so insane that I almost just started to laugh out loud in one of those fits of insanity because it was so awkward and uncomfortable.
Needless to say, I answered all of the questions with a yes or no response, and left no time for thought. I feel it is so necessary to answer quickly and without hesitation as to leave behind any sign of doubt. Many were dumbfounded,some just kind of winced and went back to work. I on the other hand turned bright red, and went back to work somewhere in the back room as to hide my embarrassed face. Although I may have appeared to be ashamed of my answer (mainly due to the fact that it was some public forum on Chachi) I did not feel ashamed inside. I felt a little higher afterwords because of the fact that I practice what I preach and live what I believe. There is something to be said about standing up for ones beliefs, and I have to say that the personal satisfaction that I felt tonight was immense and gratifying to know that I stood up for faith and beliefs. Not just in front of a curious friend, but my entire body of co-workers.
Awkward?
Yes.
Worth it?
Absolutely!

The key to happiness...

I like Chocolate... Mainly because of its color and texture. (as long as its not burnt) I also like ice cream. Its my downfall, I always have enough room for it no matter how much food I have eaten prior to my ice cream feast. I like lasagna... especially when the cheese on the top is just a little crispy/burnt. The steamy layers are so tasty and meaty. How could you not want that in your tummy?

I like pie... mostly every kind, but the cream pies touch my heart in a way that only a cream pie could. I love cheese and its melty deliciousness. I like to eat noodles and asian tasty things, No matter how much fat there is, as long as its fried and from Panda Express I will consume it!

Pudding caresses my heart like a peacock feather in the wind. Its soft and gooey. Chicken is amazing and comes in so many different ways and syles... just like a secret agent. I love milk and Dr Pepper. It fills my tum tum with happiness.

Life is so good with a full tummy, It sedates me and makes me feel warm and toasty. It makes all my cares away and helps me to dream about more food and future lovers. it fills my mouth with goodness that stops me from saying things that will put me at the scene of a crime or in the line of wrath of a disgruntaled female.

Life is so much better with food. Life is even better when the food is inside of me.

The nagging in my head...

So there are a few things that go through my mind several times a day. These things are usually all the same, or at least cover the same topic. The majority of these things are pretty trivial and pointless to the rest of the world, but in Chachi's world they seem to be important due to how many times a day I think about them. For example; Food, Paraguay, a new car, becoming a weather man, girls, food (did I say that already?) church, what animal I would be if I could choose, and ice cream (although I guess that could go under the "food" category). Mind you some of the thought that I put into these topics are short and unimportant, but with others they can be much more complex and lengthy.
Lately it has been about girls... and not just girls in general, but one in particular. All of you who read this I'm sure don't know her, but every once and a while she pops into my head, and then my mind runs wild with ideas of the future for her and I, and then when I come back into reality I crash like a 747 that had a flock of Canada geese crash through the windshield of the cockpit that was being flown by a pilot that is deathly allergic to foul of any sort.
I guess I think way too much about her, but when it comes down to it, I'm just a wienie cuz I don't ask her out, or that it will never happen and I'm not fooling anyone. I feel like sometimes its much less painful to imagine and dream and then realize that its not true, than to try and and get shot down in real life. Is that something she would do? I dont know. Do I want to find out? No. Is it worth it? Only if she felt the same way. I guess I'm just a typical insecure guy that either can't commit, or is not willing to commit. Maybe someday I'll be able to show her this blog entry that only 2 people will read, and show her how much I thought about her, even before we were together. Wouldn't that just melt her heart!... there I go dreaming again!
So all of you how dream about the perfect significant other, join with me in saying that there is no harm in the dream, but there are also no results from just dreaming either.

My Neighbor...

As I approached my apartment after walking home from work last week, I glanced at my car only to find a note on the windshield. I thought to myself that it could either be from a stalker, (which I kind of would not mind right now) or a note from someone telling me that they hit my car while I was not around. Unfortunately it was the latter. My neighbor who lives in the apartment above me had left me the note letting me know that she had backed up into my rear left bumper scraping off the paint and transferring my blue paint ever so nicely onto her pretty little silver Acura. Needless to say I was sad to see something like this happening to my Kenneth, but at the same time relieved to find that the perpetrator was honest enough to leave me a note. (I would have noticed my bumper paint on her bumper. Good thing she said something or else I would have had to open up a can on her.)
Information was given to me, and now her insurance is paying for Kenneth's visit to the shop to get a new paint job on the bumper! Over the last week I have had time to think about how annoying it was to think that someone could be so careless not to even look over their shoulder and check to make sure that they would not hit anything. Sure, insurance will take care of it, but its just another thing that I have to do now. Why can't I get a break? Why does it feel like I am in some constant battle with silly fools? What am I, fly paper for morons?!?!?! Needless to say, I have got myself really worked up about the whole situation and have really began to harbor some ill feelings towards my neighbor and all other dim witted people in the world other than myself.
Then last night as I was attempting to sleep I heard very clearly a voice. It was someone singing, but I could not distinguish from where or from whom. I was sure that it was not my roommate Steve from the room next door, unless he had a very high soprano voice that he wasn't telling me about. Then I realized that it was coming from my neighbor upstairs. She was singing alone in her room at nearly midnight, probably attempting to lullaby herself to sleep. Now, it wasn't very beautiful, and she was obviously a "shower singer". Initially, I was very annoyed at the fact that I had to listen to old religious spirituals from the over-the-hill single woman from the apartment above me when it was clearly late and her neighbors were attempting to sleep. I did the whole "pillow over the head" thing which did not work, and then I contemplated what she would do if I started to bang on my ceiling with the handle of my broom.
Then is came to me... she must be lonely. She must wish that there was someone there with her to maybe sing to her, or have a nice pillow talk session with her. I thought about how old she was and how seemingly silly it was for her to be singing like that in bed. It seemed to me that only children did that sort of thing. At least that's what I and my siblings did. Then I realized how lonely she really was. How young she felt inside to sing so loudly. She suddenly became a real person in my mind. A person with a past and feelings. A person like me. I suddenly stopped caring about the car situation and my anger towards the world. I suddenly felt a rush or sympathy and understanding come over me as I listened to a 5o something year old woman sing alone in the middle of the night to herself. Not only did my feelings toward her change, but I fell fast asleep to her lullabys... her songs of understanding.

My Girlfriend...

After a long semester of planning and anticipating what would be an amazing break from school and great fall and winter, I arrived home to fine that thing would not go the way I had planned. (like they ever do.) I had been communicating with my old job at the hotel for a while, and they had confirmed that they would be hiring me back again. I had spoken with a good friend who let me know that I would be able to live with him also. Plans were going well. I would have a great job, and an amazing roommate. My break couldn't get any better.

When I pulled into Spokane everything started to unravel and fall apart. My job filled my position and would not be hiring me back, and the place I thought I would be moving into became occupied and I was booted to the curb. I was unemployed and was sleeping on my parents couch. Within a week I was living in an old RV in my parents backyard still unemployed. It had the distinct feeling that I was living in a van down by the river. I was on the opposite end of the spectrum when it came to the plans that I had while still in school, and so I felt like a complete failure, and knew that my break from school couldn't get any worse.

Over the course of a month I lived in my new home. A real fixer-upper. I slowly became attached to her, and I named her Leslie. I began to refer to her as my girlfriend since we spent so much time together. I spent the month cleaning her and updating and fixing her inside and out. But as the days passed it began to get cold, and the space began to feel smaller and smaller. I was feeling as though the relationship was having an negative effect on my life.

But things never stay the same, and change came. I am now living in my new apartment. I am also working full time and doing everything that I planned on doing, just in a different way is all. I guess that's the lesson. Things work out, just not always in the planned way. Leslie and I are still friends, but we are not seeing each other anymore. Its a sad thing really... that the girl that I am writing about is an old RV and not a real girl. I guess that's how pathetic I am. Oh well. If I were not so pathetic I would not have met Leslie. Perhaps I'll blog about a real girl someday?

Adjusting...

So, this is something that I have not done in a while... almost a year now, but I have been inspired by a good friend to get back on the horse and try again. Thank you. I always seem to need a little push and a shove every once and a while to get me going and being productive.
Being back in Spokane has caused yet again a great change within me. Exposure to new things, people, ideas, and lights have caused some adjustment in how I live. I seem to believe that I have a pretty good grasp on what my imperfections are, but then when somebody yells in my face an error that I have made, it opens doors to improvement.
But what am I rambling about?... I guess it all boils down to change. I am living in constant change, and not constant consistency. I'm finding friends, making moves, healing hearts, making money, securing sanity, fighting fear, and learning love. It's a constant adjustment to the shifting sands of my life... never mind how small the shifting or the sand may be. I feel that settling is something to never be achieved. There is really no such thing... at least that I can tell. It's change, and I guess it's all about how I learn to react to the changes in my little life. And you know what? I love it! I love the fact that I am constantly in some sort of battle, no matter how trivial it may seem to the outside world. It pushes me along, and does not allow me to settle, relax, become lazy, and then get fat. So I'll take the door that makes me work. I'll take the door that challenges how I feel. I'll take the door that helps me loose my love handles and
ba-donk-a-donk. I'll take the door that makes me change.
So there you have it. Another deep look into the dark recesses of Chathum's mind. Another glimpse of how this crazy mind functions. (Please don't hurt yourself with all the excitement that you are feeling right now) I'll be doing this more often, as long as I have someone who will read it other than Jerry the bald steel worker who lives in my mind.